Yeah I know it's great and amazing but like, I dunno? I couldn't fuck up friendship too easily before but this feels like something more fragile. Or like, maybe I just worry more about fucking this up? Feels like I could jeopardize everything now.
[A muffled sigh; he's definitely got his face in his hands.] I really like her?
Not to get like, super real with you, but -- everything is always in jeopardy. We could all get snatched to different universes tomorrow. Ragnarok could come. You could get killed by undead vikings.
[this is it. this is the dead Norse version of a peptalk]
-- If you like her, and she's into you, too, just, do that. It doesn't matter if you think you're a dumbass. Do you trust her?
Yeah, I know. That's part of the reason - like, if I disappear on her here again? I'm a total jackass and she's worse off. I get the whole living in the moment and seizing opportunities thing but I don't want her to...
[Hurt. He doesn't want Jean to hurt at all.]
I'm really into it but I can't help but feel some part of it's a mistake because the closer we are the worse off we become when something does happen. She's like my best friend here, man. No offense. If she were to pop back in without any memories? That'd - screw me up really bad.
You already know people get hurt, Peter. People leave, and die. Trying to live your life acting like that isn't true or like you can protect people by being alone is nuts. You'll just end up empty, and missing out on what you could have.
[we have to make our time together count, his mom had said. he believes it. he still hates himself, a little, probably forever, for what happened, but he believes in the choices she made for them, so they could make their time together count]
It's not about living in the moment or whatever. It's just, like, living. The good and the bad stuff. Better to have memories to lose than not make any at all, you know?
[Everything Magnus says rings true and Peter gets that, but he also remembers the night he was sleeping in Jean's room during the vandalism blitzes and their talk about this very thing. His dad and Charles, specifically, but how she'd lost people before and felt the sadness firsthand from others. And now it just vividly applies to them and he can't help but dwell on it.
'To have all those memories and moments with someone you care about and they're suddenly gone or some other version of them is here... it's them but it's not. How do you even deal with something like that?']
I've always been really shit with timing, too. In two weeks I'm gonna be floating around in space.
[hearing that wouldn't change Magnus' mind for a moment; the answer is you just deal. you just deal, and move forward, and try to find love]
You don't really get to choose when this kind of stuff happens, I think. I dunno what's crazier, you getting shot into space, or a girl letting you kiss her.
One hundred percent honesty? I think she's attractive but it was different. It's the same girl who threw coffee in my face that one time? Which was oddly appealing and if Odin's right, I'm kinda into - anyway. It was different.
Like with Jean and it's not like, some hot chase, it's - someone I'd trust with my life. I don't even know Halloween girl's last name. And I was cool being kinda used for free drinks for a fun time and I didn't really have long term expectations outside of whatever happened that night, but like...
[A pause; he just unmasked Barney and has to reflect on that.]
I also wasn't expecting to make out with a close friend either.
[the revelation isn't fussed over; Chases are smart]
I sort of had a hunch that was Barney.
She seems sweet. Not sadist-coffee-face girl, Jean. As long as you don't make a habit of kissing girls you don't actually have feelings for, I don't see why it'd be a problem?
What should we talk about? Like, I might've - I tried? I don't know. [He sighs; another Peter stroke nbd.] I might've blurted out that she was beautiful and she told me not to say that so I don't know how to navigate this world of emotions but I do know that I'm all... weird right now. Not a bad weird. A kinda dazed, nothing can bother me kinda weird.
Uh, yeah you should talk about it? It'll make navigating this "world of emotions" a lot easier if you guys know what each one of you want.
[...]
I mean. I'm not a dating expert, but it made it a whole lot less stressful that Alex and I agreed to date like, five seconds after he kissed me. Well, he said "I licked it, so now it's mine," or something weird, but that's what he meant. Nobody, aka me, since I'd be dumbass, had to force the "what aaare we?" conversation, which I've heard is a hard pass.
Did... Did [Peter's a fast thinker, picking up on it quickly in this context:] he really say that? Like that is really weird but somehow it does sound like something that would successfully seduce you.
[...] I'll try and breach the subject with her. Is it - actually, why am I asking you this. We had this conversation before, about you guys keeping it close to your chest. I just - don't really wanna have this convo with my dad about how I made out with my pseudo-adopted sister.
But I told Odin so the whole world might know already.
I wasn't seduced, I was -- I mean, like, am, totally in love with him. Sort of since we first properly met in Valhalla. Um, that's also how he started the conversation, for the record. [Magnus smiles, and he remembers this bit word for word;] "I think I love you?" Which I still managed to misinterpret, but Barney sounds smarter than me, so. That might be more direct.
[a considering hum]
What's the question? Because the close-to-our-chest thing didn't actually pan out.
Yeah, it was just about how that went... Or didn't go. It's not that I want to keep it quiet or anything but at the same time, like - no need to tell everyone, right? At least not 'til it's sorted out?
[Another hands in face moment.] I sound like you. The tables have turned.
Who am I gonna tell? Some tree stumps? A nosy woodpecker? Don't worry about it, dude. But also, um, don't let not telling people be an excuse to not figure stuff out, because then you don't have to explain it.
[a pause, because it seems like Peter sort of -- didn't? respond to an implied question]
I don't mean you - I know you wouldn't, it's just... I haven't even talked to my sister, or my dad and in the latter case I don't even feel like it's something to mention to him. Is that weird? It's not like it's a secret but what am I gonna do, be like - so dad, what's up? I made out with Jean!
[Groan.] Do I have to? Tell her? Can't that just - isn't that a lot? Isn't that big? It seems like a big step. Don't think we're there.
Why would you tell your dad? [literally who needs dads?] You could talk to your sister, but no offense, she seems like sort of a mess too.
[as for the second question]
...Do what you think is best, I guess. You know better how you guys feel. [...] But, I guess I'm confused, since you already love her? Like a family, which is like, a big deal. Isn't this just adding something more to an existing, thing? Like another scoop on an ice cream cone you were literally already eating.
Yeah, all things considered - family doesn't need to know shit right now. [Little does he know that while he gossips to his friends, Jean's chatting with Wanda all the same.]
I - Ah. [Why is he always hearing from other people explanations about how he feels that make sense? Why is it through Odin's stupid 20 questions and Magnus's logic that Peter's only beginning to realize these things? I guess I'm confused, since you already love her? Shit. It's not wrong but like...]
I don't want to freak her out. Complimenting her didn't exactly go great and, ah. I don't know. I don't know? I figure she already knows how I felt about her before. Is it super important to bring it up again? [Too many scoops of icecream and that shit is gonna fall sideways, fast.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[...] In her bed.
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[it's a sharp chirp of excitement]
What are you talking about death for! That's amazing?
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[A muffled sigh; he's definitely got his face in his hands.] I really like her?
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[this is it. this is the dead Norse version of a peptalk]
-- If you like her, and she's into you, too, just, do that. It doesn't matter if you think you're a dumbass. Do you trust her?
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[Hurt. He doesn't want Jean to hurt at all.]
I'm really into it but I can't help but feel some part of it's a mistake because the closer we are the worse off we become when something does happen. She's like my best friend here, man. No offense. If she were to pop back in without any memories? That'd - screw me up really bad.
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[we have to make our time together count, his mom had said. he believes it. he still hates himself, a little, probably forever, for what happened, but he believes in the choices she made for them, so they could make their time together count]
It's not about living in the moment or whatever. It's just, like, living. The good and the bad stuff. Better to have memories to lose than not make any at all, you know?
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'To have all those memories and moments with someone you care about and they're suddenly gone or some other version of them is here... it's them but it's not. How do you even deal with something like that?']
I've always been really shit with timing, too. In two weeks I'm gonna be floating around in space.
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You don't really get to choose when this kind of stuff happens, I think. I dunno what's crazier, you getting shot into space, or a girl letting you kiss her.
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But ah, also on that subject...
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Do you or Halloween Chick have feelings for eachother?
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Like with Jean and it's not like, some hot chase, it's - someone I'd trust with my life. I don't even know Halloween girl's last name. And I was cool being kinda used for free drinks for a fun time and I didn't really have long term expectations outside of whatever happened that night, but like...
[A pause; he just unmasked Barney and has to reflect on that.]
I also wasn't expecting to make out with a close friend either.
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I sort of had a hunch that was Barney.
She seems sweet. Not sadist-coffee-face girl, Jean. As long as you don't make a habit of kissing girls you don't actually have feelings for, I don't see why it'd be a problem?
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Right. Man, I don't even know what to do next. Sorta just floating through life right now.
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Did you guys talk about it?
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What should we talk about? Like, I might've - I tried? I don't know. [He sighs; another Peter stroke nbd.] I might've blurted out that she was beautiful and she told me not to say that so I don't know how to navigate this world of emotions but I do know that I'm all... weird right now. Not a bad weird. A kinda dazed, nothing can bother me kinda weird.
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[...]
I mean. I'm not a dating expert, but it made it a whole lot less stressful that Alex and I agreed to date like, five seconds after he kissed me. Well, he said "I licked it, so now it's mine," or something weird, but that's what he meant. Nobody, aka me, since I'd be dumbass, had to force the "what aaare we?" conversation, which I've heard is a hard pass.
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[...] I'll try and breach the subject with her. Is it - actually, why am I asking you this. We had this conversation before, about you guys keeping it close to your chest. I just - don't really wanna have this convo with my dad about how I made out with my pseudo-adopted sister.
But I told Odin so the whole world might know already.
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I wasn't seduced, I was -- I mean, like, am, totally in love with him. Sort of since we first properly met in Valhalla. Um, that's also how he started the conversation, for the record. [Magnus smiles, and he remembers this bit word for word;] "I think I love you?" Which I still managed to misinterpret, but Barney sounds smarter than me, so. That might be more direct.
[a considering hum]
What's the question? Because the close-to-our-chest thing didn't actually pan out.
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[Another hands in face moment.] I sound like you. The tables have turned.
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Who am I gonna tell? Some tree stumps? A nosy woodpecker? Don't worry about it, dude. But also, um, don't let not telling people be an excuse to not figure stuff out, because then you don't have to explain it.
[a pause, because it seems like Peter sort of -- didn't? respond to an implied question]
-- Are you gonna tell her you love her?
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[Groan.] Do I have to? Tell her? Can't that just - isn't that a lot? Isn't that big? It seems like a big step. Don't think we're there.
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[as for the second question]
...Do what you think is best, I guess. You know better how you guys feel. [...] But, I guess I'm confused, since you already love her? Like a family, which is like, a big deal. Isn't this just adding something more to an existing, thing? Like another scoop on an ice cream cone you were literally already eating.
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I - Ah. [Why is he always hearing from other people explanations about how he feels that make sense? Why is it through Odin's stupid 20 questions and Magnus's logic that Peter's only beginning to realize these things? I guess I'm confused, since you already love her? Shit. It's not wrong but like...]
I don't want to freak her out. Complimenting her didn't exactly go great and, ah. I don't know. I don't know? I figure she already knows how I felt about her before. Is it super important to bring it up again? [Too many scoops of icecream and that shit is gonna fall sideways, fast.]
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