[ It hits him like a hammer to the ribs. You're just becoming a person. He's winded by it, the blow sending everything he's thinking into disarray. He stares, wide eyed, at Magnus, as he struggles to piece two thoughts together. ]
I've never... I haven't ever-- I've never thought of it. Like that. Even though I've been fighting since I was little. That there might be more to me.
[ He lets his head rest against Magnus's shoulder, grateful for the fact that his face his hidden. He feels like crying, honestly, in a way so much different to how he's felt like crying, recently. There's a catharsis, behind the way his eyes burn and behind the way he feels like his throat is closing up. Maybe this is why his dad tried so hard to spend weeks surrounded by nature, with him, or why his mom worked so hard to teach him about the arts. To help him find who he was, before the inevitability of war took ahold of him.
He shakes his head. He can't think about that on top of everything else, but he thinks, maybe, that he will, when all of this is over, and it will help. ]
Poe's not an ass. Or an idiot. Everything that happened between us is my fault.
[ He flicks his eyes to Magnus's, then away. There are a few things he could say, all things he's been able to say at least once before - i'm not good enough for him, he doesn't love me as much as i do him and that's not his fault, there's someone out there worth more to him than i could ever be, he's kind enough to lie like you and think that i matter but a lie's still just a lie-- but it's harder to put all of those thoughts into words, to Magnus, who goes to these great lengths to remind him how special and important he is so often when they speak. So he shuts it down, shrugging his shoulders and leaning a little closer. ]
I wouldn't feel the way I do for him if he wasn't perfect, for me. I wish more of my friends could see what I see in him. I feel like I'm the only one who gets it, sometimes. Or - I did, before I found out someone... I guess-- sees it more? I don't think that's right. I don't think anyone could see him better than I can. But before I found out someone-- before I found out there was someone he sees clearer than he sees me.
But-- yeah. You're right. He, uh. He handles things... very differently to how Alex does.
[ He thinks of the way Alex held him, when he was staying in Fauxhalla, and he considers bringing it up, but he doesn't - maybe Alex has already told Magnus about it, and Odin won't resent him for it if he has, but he'd like to keep it a moment shared just between the two of them. ]
... I don't think anybody is as smart as Alex, though.
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Re: action - new years
I've never... I haven't ever-- I've never thought of it. Like that. Even though I've been fighting since I was little. That there might be more to me.
[ He lets his head rest against Magnus's shoulder, grateful for the fact that his face his hidden. He feels like crying, honestly, in a way so much different to how he's felt like crying, recently. There's a catharsis, behind the way his eyes burn and behind the way he feels like his throat is closing up. Maybe this is why his dad tried so hard to spend weeks surrounded by nature, with him, or why his mom worked so hard to teach him about the arts. To help him find who he was, before the inevitability of war took ahold of him.
He shakes his head. He can't think about that on top of everything else, but he thinks, maybe, that he will, when all of this is over, and it will help. ]
Poe's not an ass. Or an idiot. Everything that happened between us is my fault.
[ He flicks his eyes to Magnus's, then away. There are a few things he could say, all things he's been able to say at least once before - i'm not good enough for him, he doesn't love me as much as i do him and that's not his fault, there's someone out there worth more to him than i could ever be, he's kind enough to lie like you and think that i matter but a lie's still just a lie-- but it's harder to put all of those thoughts into words, to Magnus, who goes to these great lengths to remind him how special and important he is so often when they speak. So he shuts it down, shrugging his shoulders and leaning a little closer. ]
I wouldn't feel the way I do for him if he wasn't perfect, for me. I wish more of my friends could see what I see in him. I feel like I'm the only one who gets it, sometimes. Or - I did, before I found out someone... I guess-- sees it more? I don't think that's right. I don't think anyone could see him better than I can. But before I found out someone-- before I found out there was someone he sees clearer than he sees me.
But-- yeah. You're right. He, uh. He handles things... very differently to how Alex does.
[ He thinks of the way Alex held him, when he was staying in Fauxhalla, and he considers bringing it up, but he doesn't - maybe Alex has already told Magnus about it, and Odin won't resent him for it if he has, but he'd like to keep it a moment shared just between the two of them. ]
... I don't think anybody is as smart as Alex, though.