[ Odin, of course, being Odin, interprets Magnus's indeterminate mumbling as him feeling uncomfortable and Odin just Fucking Everything Up again. it hurts, a little, but not really as much as it used to? he's kind of getting used to feeling like this around Magnus, so THAT'S cool. when he's up tonight reflecting on this like he always does with conversations that he thinks he could have handled better, he'll be able to piece together what was actually going through magnus's head just now, but as it is he just stumbles a bit. ]
I, uh - I don't think that's depressing. I think there's something warm about that, actually. You had a really hard time when you were alive, but when it came to an end, you managed to find some... I dunno. Peace? Relative peace, at least. Everything I know about your afterlife is like-- I mean, it hasn't ever exactly sounded peaceful, but it's-- do you know what I mean? I think it's nice that you came out of things with, like, a home, or-- gods, nevermind.
[ blalgm. blahalgabalahb. he's tired he'll just talk about pizza ]
I can forgive a lot of things, but I can't forgive that.
[this, at least, he can speak about with some certainty (because it's not really, wholly, about him);]
No, you're right. That's how I feel. Valhalla isn't really a home -- it's a hotel, it's temporary, until Ragnarok -- but I got there and I wasn't alone anymore. I have a family there. So as another place that isn't really a home, it's better.
[Magnus isn't very upfront about his timeline, even though it often seems like he is; he paints in two colours, "alive/alone" and "dead/family." but he's been to school, he's had normal experiences; they just come up a lot more infrequently, and rarely does anyone point out the contradictions]
Mortals don't usually understand that, though. It's nice that you do.
[a soft huff of air]
Even if you're completely wrong in your pizza-opinions, I mean.
I'm a pretty understanding guy, dude! It's hard to tell under all the poor planning and skeleton talk, but it's true. As far as I'm concerned - you went somewhere better than wherever you were. The circumstances behind why don't matter so much, so long as you're happier there. That's what I think, at least.
[ given the contradictions in the stories he tells about his own past, odin's in no place to comment on magnus's, let alone notice them in the first place. besides, he's a simple guy. despite the nerves and the anxiety and the sadness at confronting the fact that magnus was alone and went through A Lot when he was young, odin knows just how happy he is now, and learning that things are okay for magnus back home as well despite it all is just... worth it. ]
Thanks for opening up to me. [ those words are quick and rushed out, smoothed over a second later just in case he shouldn't have said them. ] Pizza comment discarded into the trash, though. With the pizza itself. We should ask Peter to tiebreak this, one day. Except we shouldn't, because if he sides with you I'm going to burn my bridges to this family and go brother-adopt, like, Alex or something.
[Odin gets a hum of agreement -- he is happier, an acknowledgement of Odin's own acknowledging of his Trying, and there isn't much more he feels he needs to say -- followed by a snort]
Um, he's still pretty annoyed about the -- [GROSS INVASION INTO OUR PERSONAL LIFE] uh, fuss, about -- yeah. [BONING. which isn't even happening? mostly because Magnus is damaged and inexperienced and so they're taking it incredibly slow? not that he's sharing any of that with literally anyone, because there was opening up about being an idiot teen corpse and there was opening up about, you know, stuff that mattered (yikes)] I'd maybe just get a cool fish, if it comes to that, dude.
Yeah, I kind of figured he wasn't gonna let that go any time soon. Not that I blame him. He was really cute the last time I talked to him about you, though, which at least semi-sort of indicates that he doesn't entirely hate me, and-- actually, you know what? Nevermind. Not really appropriate for me to talk about him behind his back. Your relationship and its various varying cuteness variables are none of my business.
[ odin said that something about magnus is none of his business, so that's a cool first that heralds the end of times. He does whisper something to himself that sounds suspiciously like holy shit, a cool fish? i could turn my whole bedroom into an aquarium for a whale, so that's something to worry about, but he presses on to the more serious conversation before he gets a chance to dwell on the thought. good. probably forgotten it already. ]
Uh, honest answer? No. As comforted as I am by you hearing me out and promising to step in where you can, I fucked up big and it's my responsibility to make things okay again. I won't feel better until I can do that. [ he pauses, mulling this next thought over in his head before he refines it enough to put words to it. ] I think I'll feel better when he talks to me honestly about how he's feeling. If I could force people to be honest with me - which I could, technically, with magic, if I lacked all these pesky morals - things would be easier, but. You know. I can't even get most people to be honest with me when we're getting along, let alone after I've let them die.
[there's a short, consternated silence from Magnus before;]
They're my business. The varying variables of cuteness. Um, put that thought on hold for a second, though? 'Cuz the other stuff you said is more important.
[and this is why it's taken him so long to get a boyfriend -- damn, shit always just kept coming up, didn't it?]
[and Magnus' voice is stronger, firmer; for once, you could almost believe he's the son of the Lord of Lords, with how certain it is]
You didn't let him die. You weren't fighting real things. Illusions can do whatever, every gods damned giant in Jotunheim pulls that shit. I'm not hanging up until you say that to me. That you didn't let him die. He's alive, and that stuff wasn't real. Even if you had saved him, you could have been deluded into thinking you didn't.
[ he holds on, as ordered. he's only half-listening to Magnus's stern but kind of necessary advice, primarily because he's dwelling on not cutting off his stupid fucking motormouth before bringing up alex. whatever. thankfully, he thinks every word from magnus chase is a precious treasure and pays enough attention to treat them as such, and he nods along on the other side of the phone call, that red prickly shame that comes with getting advice, however innocuous, creeping up his neck again. ]
Well, joke's on you, because you're my friend and I don't want you to hang up on me because I like talking to my friends. [ he pauses. ] But - look I get it, I do. This one time, back in Nohr, this guy enchanted a bunch of villagers to look like these monsters we called Faceless, and we cut them down without knowing we were killing innocent people. I know how illusions work and I know how to compartmentalize my guilt when they fuck me over.
But - the core of all of this is that Archie trusted me and I didn't save him. Whether it was possible for me to save him or not, the fact is, I didn't do it. Maybe it was always going to be that way because we were stuck in a fucking house with a bullshit puppetmaster playing with us for three days, I don't know, but it's how it happened. And, like. I'm really not worried about myself, or my guilt, or about anything like that. I'm a soldier, I was killing bandits for coin when I was fourteen, I can deal with seeing death, however real or fake it may be. I can move past it. I just want him to be okay. It doesn't matter how fake or temporary his death might have been, it doesn't matter if what we experienced in there "doesn't count" because we all walked out of it okay, it just-- it shouldn't have happened. That's all.
[Magnus frowns, and frowns more, as Odin makes clear in no uncertain terms how much trauma and death has impacted his life, shaped him into -- frankly -- someone Magnus understands as being composed almost entirely of the same live-wire, exposed nerves of many of the warriors in Valhalla. in every way he's talked about letting Archie down, Magnus sees how much every failure weighs on him, even if he says he's "moving past it." every step is a struggle, Magnus knows, and he just doesn't see this thing that happened in the house as remotely connecting to that realer one, that he'd be returning to]
[but Archie's not from a place like they are. even if he almost brought the end of the world, he didn't; he didn't get eaten, hasn't died, hasn't watched his friends and family get slaughtered. if Odin has a point Magnus must concede, it's that Archie will need looking after -- and if looking after Archie would help Odin put another foot forward, so be it]
I'm not saying he isn't gonna be fucked up. [from the consequences of his own actions, he thinks a little bitterly, but doesn't say. he's still actually alive, he also thinks, with some resentment, which he doesn't like in himself. he'd said it upfront: he can't be unbiased, about Archie] I don't know what I'm saying. Maybe just... if you're going to look after him, I hope it's not because you're trying to undo something that never happened. Or getting caught up in stuff you've moved forward from, giving those illusions the time of day. It's a waste of time to talk about anything except what's real, I think.
[he exhales, messy]
I think that's all I want to say about that, for now. Um. Yeah.
[ if this is where Magnus wants to end things, Odin's not going to drag this conversation out any longer. honestly, there's not much left to say, anyway - as much as he appreciates Magnus's advice, and as much as he loves hearing his point of view on this, he's also just using the poor kid as a sounding board to bounce his thoughts off of, and it's not the fairest way to talk to someone you're asking a favor of. ]
You're saying stuff from the heart and it's helping me a lot. Clearing my thoughts. [ He's a little sad, as he says it, but he keeps it out of his voice. ] I wish I could help you half as much as you help me, man. [ doesn't keep it out of his voice that time, though. ]
Thanks, though. For all of this. I'll let you go, but - [ he hesitates. ] I know I don't owe you anything because we're friends and you're talking to me out of the goodness of your heart or whatever, and I know I have kind of a bad track record when it comes to doing things for you, but can I buy you a pizza or something? Full-heathen. All pineapple. No judgment. I'll even get someone to deliver it, rather than just leave it on your doorstep for you to squash. [ he pauses. ] I guess Peter'll have to do it, seeing as you live like a raccoon, but. Still doable.
[ there's an achingly long silence where odin struggles with his instincts to just scream about Magnus Chase Is A Cute And Adorable Human Being And I Fucking Hate Him So Much This Is Gero Talking Now Not Odin but eventually he takes a deep breath. sometimes an obnoxious pseudo-brother has to be calm and collected so here we go. deep breaths. ]
... I said to him, uh.
I said to him that we were gonna be best friends and he was like, "sorry, my best friend is my boyfriend". That's you. Magnus. Magnus. Magnus, that's you.
[Alex hasn't said that to him before. it brings an immediate smile to his face, and colour, too]
Oh. That's me.
[it's him. wow. that wasn't just cute, that was -- amazingly cute. incredibly, stupendously cute. it's a good feeling, which is nice and light and wonderfully teenage-appropriate, for once in his afterlife]
-- I'm his best friend.
[he shouldn't sound so absolutely if quietly pleased, since, you know, they're dating, but he is. he bets Alex would blush and make fun of him, if he called him his best friend, too (which he is)]
You're his best friend. You're his best friend!! You're--
[ it's coming, odin can tell, the longwinded waterfall of words about how magnus is the star alex will follow when he's lost, the sun who will filter through the leaves above and fill his dark world with light, who knows what else. for once in his fucking life, he stamps it down. ]
You're his best friend. I bet that feels great. You should be proud, man.
[on the other end of the line, Magnus beams, summer-sun bright, even without all that purple-prose building him up. Odin's excess, while fun at times and overwhelming at others, isn't half so poignant as this moment -- easy and real, two things which Magnus gravitates to, much more strongly. he's always been stark and straightforward, never been the type for Big and Showy; he's happy in this simpler moment, shared with his dear friend, about his best one]
Um. It does. I am. [he sounds much more bowled over than the shortness of the phrases might imply -- but the shortness of breath does. Alex always knocks the wind out of him] I'm gonna, um, start making lunch for us... thanks, Odin. Um. Let me know about stuff, okay?
[ Odin really is doing his best to keep this overwhelming, heart-swelling joy to himself - seeing firsthand just how much Magnus cares about Alex is killing him, a little bit - but he can't help but laugh, just a little, feeling himself tear up a bit because he's always fucking tearing up when he's happy these days. He wipes his eyes with the palm of his hand and nods a lot into his phone. ]
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Re: text
I, uh - I don't think that's depressing. I think there's something warm about that, actually. You had a really hard time when you were alive, but when it came to an end, you managed to find some... I dunno. Peace? Relative peace, at least. Everything I know about your afterlife is like-- I mean, it hasn't ever exactly sounded peaceful, but it's-- do you know what I mean? I think it's nice that you came out of things with, like, a home, or-- gods, nevermind.
[ blalgm. blahalgabalahb. he's tired he'll just talk about pizza ]
I can forgive a lot of things, but I can't forgive that.
Re: text
No, you're right. That's how I feel. Valhalla isn't really a home -- it's a hotel, it's temporary, until Ragnarok -- but I got there and I wasn't alone anymore. I have a family there. So as another place that isn't really a home, it's better.
[Magnus isn't very upfront about his timeline, even though it often seems like he is; he paints in two colours, "alive/alone" and "dead/family." but he's been to school, he's had normal experiences; they just come up a lot more infrequently, and rarely does anyone point out the contradictions]
Mortals don't usually understand that, though. It's nice that you do.
[a soft huff of air]
Even if you're completely wrong in your pizza-opinions, I mean.
Re: text
[ given the contradictions in the stories he tells about his own past, odin's in no place to comment on magnus's, let alone notice them in the first place. besides, he's a simple guy. despite the nerves and the anxiety and the sadness at confronting the fact that magnus was alone and went through A Lot when he was young, odin knows just how happy he is now, and learning that things are okay for magnus back home as well despite it all is just... worth it. ]
Thanks for opening up to me. [ those words are quick and rushed out, smoothed over a second later just in case he shouldn't have said them. ] Pizza comment discarded into the trash, though. With the pizza itself. We should ask Peter to tiebreak this, one day. Except we shouldn't, because if he sides with you I'm going to burn my bridges to this family and go brother-adopt, like, Alex or something.
Re: text
Um, he's still pretty annoyed about the -- [GROSS INVASION INTO OUR PERSONAL LIFE] uh, fuss, about -- yeah. [BONING. which isn't even happening? mostly because Magnus is damaged and inexperienced and so they're taking it incredibly slow? not that he's sharing any of that with literally anyone, because there was opening up about being an idiot teen corpse and there was opening up about, you know, stuff that mattered (yikes)] I'd maybe just get a cool fish, if it comes to that, dude.
[he pauses, though, and checks;]
Are you feeling any better? About Archie.
Re: text
[ odin said that something about magnus is none of his business, so that's a cool first that heralds the end of times. He does whisper something to himself that sounds suspiciously like holy shit, a cool fish? i could turn my whole bedroom into an aquarium for a whale, so that's something to worry about, but he presses on to the more serious conversation before he gets a chance to dwell on the thought. good. probably forgotten it already. ]
Uh, honest answer? No. As comforted as I am by you hearing me out and promising to step in where you can, I fucked up big and it's my responsibility to make things okay again. I won't feel better until I can do that. [ he pauses, mulling this next thought over in his head before he refines it enough to put words to it. ] I think I'll feel better when he talks to me honestly about how he's feeling. If I could force people to be honest with me - which I could, technically, with magic, if I lacked all these pesky morals - things would be easier, but. You know. I can't even get most people to be honest with me when we're getting along, let alone after I've let them die.
Re: text
They're my business. The varying variables of cuteness. Um, put that thought on hold for a second, though? 'Cuz the other stuff you said is more important.
[and this is why it's taken him so long to get a boyfriend -- damn, shit always just kept coming up, didn't it?]
[and Magnus' voice is stronger, firmer; for once, you could almost believe he's the son of the Lord of Lords, with how certain it is]
You didn't let him die. You weren't fighting real things. Illusions can do whatever, every gods damned giant in Jotunheim pulls that shit. I'm not hanging up until you say that to me. That you didn't let him die. He's alive, and that stuff wasn't real. Even if you had saved him, you could have been deluded into thinking you didn't.
Re: text
[ he holds on, as ordered. he's only half-listening to Magnus's stern but kind of necessary advice, primarily because he's dwelling on not cutting off his stupid fucking motormouth before bringing up alex. whatever. thankfully, he thinks every word from magnus chase is a precious treasure and pays enough attention to treat them as such, and he nods along on the other side of the phone call, that red prickly shame that comes with getting advice, however innocuous, creeping up his neck again. ]
Well, joke's on you, because you're my friend and I don't want you to hang up on me because I like talking to my friends. [ he pauses. ] But - look I get it, I do. This one time, back in Nohr, this guy enchanted a bunch of villagers to look like these monsters we called Faceless, and we cut them down without knowing we were killing innocent people. I know how illusions work and I know how to compartmentalize my guilt when they fuck me over.
But - the core of all of this is that Archie trusted me and I didn't save him. Whether it was possible for me to save him or not, the fact is, I didn't do it. Maybe it was always going to be that way because we were stuck in a fucking house with a bullshit puppetmaster playing with us for three days, I don't know, but it's how it happened. And, like. I'm really not worried about myself, or my guilt, or about anything like that. I'm a soldier, I was killing bandits for coin when I was fourteen, I can deal with seeing death, however real or fake it may be. I can move past it. I just want him to be okay. It doesn't matter how fake or temporary his death might have been, it doesn't matter if what we experienced in there "doesn't count" because we all walked out of it okay, it just-- it shouldn't have happened. That's all.
Re: text
[but Archie's not from a place like they are. even if he almost brought the end of the world, he didn't; he didn't get eaten, hasn't died, hasn't watched his friends and family get slaughtered. if Odin has a point Magnus must concede, it's that Archie will need looking after -- and if looking after Archie would help Odin put another foot forward, so be it]
I'm not saying he isn't gonna be fucked up. [from the consequences of his own actions, he thinks a little bitterly, but doesn't say. he's still actually alive, he also thinks, with some resentment, which he doesn't like in himself. he'd said it upfront: he can't be unbiased, about Archie] I don't know what I'm saying. Maybe just... if you're going to look after him, I hope it's not because you're trying to undo something that never happened. Or getting caught up in stuff you've moved forward from, giving those illusions the time of day. It's a waste of time to talk about anything except what's real, I think.
[he exhales, messy]
I think that's all I want to say about that, for now. Um. Yeah.
Re: text
You're saying stuff from the heart and it's helping me a lot. Clearing my thoughts. [ He's a little sad, as he says it, but he keeps it out of his voice. ] I wish I could help you half as much as you help me, man. [ doesn't keep it out of his voice that time, though. ]
Thanks, though. For all of this. I'll let you go, but - [ he hesitates. ] I know I don't owe you anything because we're friends and you're talking to me out of the goodness of your heart or whatever, and I know I have kind of a bad track record when it comes to doing things for you, but can I buy you a pizza or something? Full-heathen. All pineapple. No judgment. I'll even get someone to deliver it, rather than just leave it on your doorstep for you to squash. [ he pauses. ] I guess Peter'll have to do it, seeing as you live like a raccoon, but. Still doable.
Re: text
I don't want a pizza, I want to know what Alex said that was cute.
Re: text
... I said to him, uh.
I said to him that we were gonna be best friends and he was like, "sorry, my best friend is my boyfriend". That's you. Magnus. Magnus. Magnus, that's you.
Re: text
Oh. That's me.
[it's him. wow. that wasn't just cute, that was -- amazingly cute. incredibly, stupendously cute. it's a good feeling, which is nice and light and wonderfully teenage-appropriate, for once in his afterlife]
-- I'm his best friend.
[he shouldn't sound so absolutely if quietly pleased, since, you know, they're dating, but he is. he bets Alex would blush and make fun of him, if he called him his best friend, too (which he is)]
Re: text
[ it's coming, odin can tell, the longwinded waterfall of words about how magnus is the star alex will follow when he's lost, the sun who will filter through the leaves above and fill his dark world with light, who knows what else. for once in his fucking life, he stamps it down. ]
You're his best friend. I bet that feels great. You should be proud, man.
Re: text
Um. It does. I am. [he sounds much more bowled over than the shortness of the phrases might imply -- but the shortness of breath does. Alex always knocks the wind out of him] I'm gonna, um, start making lunch for us... thanks, Odin. Um. Let me know about stuff, okay?
Re: text
Okay! Okay. I will. Have a good meal, bro.
Re: text
[ disconnected ]