[ he holds on, as ordered. he's only half-listening to Magnus's stern but kind of necessary advice, primarily because he's dwelling on not cutting off his stupid fucking motormouth before bringing up alex. whatever. thankfully, he thinks every word from magnus chase is a precious treasure and pays enough attention to treat them as such, and he nods along on the other side of the phone call, that red prickly shame that comes with getting advice, however innocuous, creeping up his neck again. ]
Well, joke's on you, because you're my friend and I don't want you to hang up on me because I like talking to my friends. [ he pauses. ] But - look I get it, I do. This one time, back in Nohr, this guy enchanted a bunch of villagers to look like these monsters we called Faceless, and we cut them down without knowing we were killing innocent people. I know how illusions work and I know how to compartmentalize my guilt when they fuck me over.
But - the core of all of this is that Archie trusted me and I didn't save him. Whether it was possible for me to save him or not, the fact is, I didn't do it. Maybe it was always going to be that way because we were stuck in a fucking house with a bullshit puppetmaster playing with us for three days, I don't know, but it's how it happened. And, like. I'm really not worried about myself, or my guilt, or about anything like that. I'm a soldier, I was killing bandits for coin when I was fourteen, I can deal with seeing death, however real or fake it may be. I can move past it. I just want him to be okay. It doesn't matter how fake or temporary his death might have been, it doesn't matter if what we experienced in there "doesn't count" because we all walked out of it okay, it just-- it shouldn't have happened. That's all.
[Magnus frowns, and frowns more, as Odin makes clear in no uncertain terms how much trauma and death has impacted his life, shaped him into -- frankly -- someone Magnus understands as being composed almost entirely of the same live-wire, exposed nerves of many of the warriors in Valhalla. in every way he's talked about letting Archie down, Magnus sees how much every failure weighs on him, even if he says he's "moving past it." every step is a struggle, Magnus knows, and he just doesn't see this thing that happened in the house as remotely connecting to that realer one, that he'd be returning to]
[but Archie's not from a place like they are. even if he almost brought the end of the world, he didn't; he didn't get eaten, hasn't died, hasn't watched his friends and family get slaughtered. if Odin has a point Magnus must concede, it's that Archie will need looking after -- and if looking after Archie would help Odin put another foot forward, so be it]
I'm not saying he isn't gonna be fucked up. [from the consequences of his own actions, he thinks a little bitterly, but doesn't say. he's still actually alive, he also thinks, with some resentment, which he doesn't like in himself. he'd said it upfront: he can't be unbiased, about Archie] I don't know what I'm saying. Maybe just... if you're going to look after him, I hope it's not because you're trying to undo something that never happened. Or getting caught up in stuff you've moved forward from, giving those illusions the time of day. It's a waste of time to talk about anything except what's real, I think.
[he exhales, messy]
I think that's all I want to say about that, for now. Um. Yeah.
[ if this is where Magnus wants to end things, Odin's not going to drag this conversation out any longer. honestly, there's not much left to say, anyway - as much as he appreciates Magnus's advice, and as much as he loves hearing his point of view on this, he's also just using the poor kid as a sounding board to bounce his thoughts off of, and it's not the fairest way to talk to someone you're asking a favor of. ]
You're saying stuff from the heart and it's helping me a lot. Clearing my thoughts. [ He's a little sad, as he says it, but he keeps it out of his voice. ] I wish I could help you half as much as you help me, man. [ doesn't keep it out of his voice that time, though. ]
Thanks, though. For all of this. I'll let you go, but - [ he hesitates. ] I know I don't owe you anything because we're friends and you're talking to me out of the goodness of your heart or whatever, and I know I have kind of a bad track record when it comes to doing things for you, but can I buy you a pizza or something? Full-heathen. All pineapple. No judgment. I'll even get someone to deliver it, rather than just leave it on your doorstep for you to squash. [ he pauses. ] I guess Peter'll have to do it, seeing as you live like a raccoon, but. Still doable.
[ there's an achingly long silence where odin struggles with his instincts to just scream about Magnus Chase Is A Cute And Adorable Human Being And I Fucking Hate Him So Much This Is Gero Talking Now Not Odin but eventually he takes a deep breath. sometimes an obnoxious pseudo-brother has to be calm and collected so here we go. deep breaths. ]
... I said to him, uh.
I said to him that we were gonna be best friends and he was like, "sorry, my best friend is my boyfriend". That's you. Magnus. Magnus. Magnus, that's you.
[Alex hasn't said that to him before. it brings an immediate smile to his face, and colour, too]
Oh. That's me.
[it's him. wow. that wasn't just cute, that was -- amazingly cute. incredibly, stupendously cute. it's a good feeling, which is nice and light and wonderfully teenage-appropriate, for once in his afterlife]
-- I'm his best friend.
[he shouldn't sound so absolutely if quietly pleased, since, you know, they're dating, but he is. he bets Alex would blush and make fun of him, if he called him his best friend, too (which he is)]
You're his best friend. You're his best friend!! You're--
[ it's coming, odin can tell, the longwinded waterfall of words about how magnus is the star alex will follow when he's lost, the sun who will filter through the leaves above and fill his dark world with light, who knows what else. for once in his fucking life, he stamps it down. ]
You're his best friend. I bet that feels great. You should be proud, man.
[on the other end of the line, Magnus beams, summer-sun bright, even without all that purple-prose building him up. Odin's excess, while fun at times and overwhelming at others, isn't half so poignant as this moment -- easy and real, two things which Magnus gravitates to, much more strongly. he's always been stark and straightforward, never been the type for Big and Showy; he's happy in this simpler moment, shared with his dear friend, about his best one]
Um. It does. I am. [he sounds much more bowled over than the shortness of the phrases might imply -- but the shortness of breath does. Alex always knocks the wind out of him] I'm gonna, um, start making lunch for us... thanks, Odin. Um. Let me know about stuff, okay?
[ Odin really is doing his best to keep this overwhelming, heart-swelling joy to himself - seeing firsthand just how much Magnus cares about Alex is killing him, a little bit - but he can't help but laugh, just a little, feeling himself tear up a bit because he's always fucking tearing up when he's happy these days. He wipes his eyes with the palm of his hand and nods a lot into his phone. ]
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Re: text
[ he holds on, as ordered. he's only half-listening to Magnus's stern but kind of necessary advice, primarily because he's dwelling on not cutting off his stupid fucking motormouth before bringing up alex. whatever. thankfully, he thinks every word from magnus chase is a precious treasure and pays enough attention to treat them as such, and he nods along on the other side of the phone call, that red prickly shame that comes with getting advice, however innocuous, creeping up his neck again. ]
Well, joke's on you, because you're my friend and I don't want you to hang up on me because I like talking to my friends. [ he pauses. ] But - look I get it, I do. This one time, back in Nohr, this guy enchanted a bunch of villagers to look like these monsters we called Faceless, and we cut them down without knowing we were killing innocent people. I know how illusions work and I know how to compartmentalize my guilt when they fuck me over.
But - the core of all of this is that Archie trusted me and I didn't save him. Whether it was possible for me to save him or not, the fact is, I didn't do it. Maybe it was always going to be that way because we were stuck in a fucking house with a bullshit puppetmaster playing with us for three days, I don't know, but it's how it happened. And, like. I'm really not worried about myself, or my guilt, or about anything like that. I'm a soldier, I was killing bandits for coin when I was fourteen, I can deal with seeing death, however real or fake it may be. I can move past it. I just want him to be okay. It doesn't matter how fake or temporary his death might have been, it doesn't matter if what we experienced in there "doesn't count" because we all walked out of it okay, it just-- it shouldn't have happened. That's all.
Re: text
[but Archie's not from a place like they are. even if he almost brought the end of the world, he didn't; he didn't get eaten, hasn't died, hasn't watched his friends and family get slaughtered. if Odin has a point Magnus must concede, it's that Archie will need looking after -- and if looking after Archie would help Odin put another foot forward, so be it]
I'm not saying he isn't gonna be fucked up. [from the consequences of his own actions, he thinks a little bitterly, but doesn't say. he's still actually alive, he also thinks, with some resentment, which he doesn't like in himself. he'd said it upfront: he can't be unbiased, about Archie] I don't know what I'm saying. Maybe just... if you're going to look after him, I hope it's not because you're trying to undo something that never happened. Or getting caught up in stuff you've moved forward from, giving those illusions the time of day. It's a waste of time to talk about anything except what's real, I think.
[he exhales, messy]
I think that's all I want to say about that, for now. Um. Yeah.
Re: text
You're saying stuff from the heart and it's helping me a lot. Clearing my thoughts. [ He's a little sad, as he says it, but he keeps it out of his voice. ] I wish I could help you half as much as you help me, man. [ doesn't keep it out of his voice that time, though. ]
Thanks, though. For all of this. I'll let you go, but - [ he hesitates. ] I know I don't owe you anything because we're friends and you're talking to me out of the goodness of your heart or whatever, and I know I have kind of a bad track record when it comes to doing things for you, but can I buy you a pizza or something? Full-heathen. All pineapple. No judgment. I'll even get someone to deliver it, rather than just leave it on your doorstep for you to squash. [ he pauses. ] I guess Peter'll have to do it, seeing as you live like a raccoon, but. Still doable.
Re: text
I don't want a pizza, I want to know what Alex said that was cute.
Re: text
... I said to him, uh.
I said to him that we were gonna be best friends and he was like, "sorry, my best friend is my boyfriend". That's you. Magnus. Magnus. Magnus, that's you.
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Oh. That's me.
[it's him. wow. that wasn't just cute, that was -- amazingly cute. incredibly, stupendously cute. it's a good feeling, which is nice and light and wonderfully teenage-appropriate, for once in his afterlife]
-- I'm his best friend.
[he shouldn't sound so absolutely if quietly pleased, since, you know, they're dating, but he is. he bets Alex would blush and make fun of him, if he called him his best friend, too (which he is)]
Re: text
[ it's coming, odin can tell, the longwinded waterfall of words about how magnus is the star alex will follow when he's lost, the sun who will filter through the leaves above and fill his dark world with light, who knows what else. for once in his fucking life, he stamps it down. ]
You're his best friend. I bet that feels great. You should be proud, man.
Re: text
Um. It does. I am. [he sounds much more bowled over than the shortness of the phrases might imply -- but the shortness of breath does. Alex always knocks the wind out of him] I'm gonna, um, start making lunch for us... thanks, Odin. Um. Let me know about stuff, okay?
Re: text
Okay! Okay. I will. Have a good meal, bro.
Re: text
[ disconnected ]