him trying to be your friend right now is selfish. it's him avoiding confronting how bad he hurt you by telling himself "it's ok bc i'll be there for him as a friend." it isn't ok. he needs to own up that he led you on and is still leading you on. he can talk about caring for you all he wants, but his actions aren't showing that. if he cared, he'd give you space to process being rejected and stop trying to prove to you he cares, so he doesn't feel so bad about rejecting you. if he cared he'd tell you to get lost.
he's a coward and a trainwreck. you're not overcompensating with a big ax, you have a big heart. and a friend would know that, about you. that's what i think.
archie said i should have tried for space, too. i just, don't want to be away from him. he makes me unbelievably happy. i don't have the words to say how much better and brighter i feel when he even so much as looks at me. i think the fucked up thing right now, is that even if we're in the worst case scenario and he's just leading me on because he likes the attention - which i don't think is what's happening - i think i'm willing to let it happen, just so that i don't have to lose him. which isn't noble, and it doesn't make me a tragic romantic martyr. it's just stupid? and yet i don't know how to not feel that way.
but i think also. regardless of whatever his feelings are based in - cowardice or a genuine desire to be my friend - he is going to drop me like a sack of fucking bricks the second he hooks up with this guy he loves. it is an inevitability that he and i will never see each other again, because there is no way the guy he loves won't be in love with him back. i mean, he's poe. so maybe it would be better if i just backed away now. which is something i'm saying despite knowing full well i wont because until that day comes i'm still gonna be hoping there's a slim possibility he loves me somehow despite it all.
also,
i fucking love you? i seriously fucking love you. i hope you know that. you probably do. i'm not usually very shy about saying it.
of course you don't want to be apart from him. you're in love with him. he's not in love with you. that's why he needs to quit being a coward and tell you to screw off. that's the kind thing, not breaking your heart by degrees.
even if he loves you a little, enough to keep you on the hook, he doesn't love you the way you want, odin. the other guy doesn't really matter.
i'm sorry. i hate saying this stuff. but i do love you.
i love you too. thanks. i'm still coming to fauxhalla when i get back? i'm living there for like the rest of the month. i've already decided. because poe's my next door neighbour and he's always around. so. i'm gonna bring peter too. i love peter. i also love alex. also nacho. magnus i love your whole little family. magnus i love fauxhalla. magnus i'm going to marry your entire fauxhalla family yourself included.
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he's a coward and a trainwreck. you're not overcompensating with a big ax, you have a big heart. and a friend would know that, about you. that's what i think.
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i just, don't want to be away from him. he makes me unbelievably happy. i don't have the words to say how much better and brighter i feel when he even so much as looks at me.
i think the fucked up thing right now,
is that even if we're in the worst case scenario and he's just leading me on because he likes the attention - which i don't think is what's happening -
i think i'm willing to let it happen, just so that i don't have to lose him. which isn't noble, and it doesn't make me a tragic romantic martyr. it's just stupid? and yet i don't know how to not feel that way.
but i think also.
regardless of whatever his feelings are based in - cowardice or a genuine desire to be my friend -
he is going to drop me like a sack of fucking bricks the second he hooks up with this guy he loves.
it is an inevitability that he and i will never see each other again, because there is no way the guy he loves won't be in love with him back. i mean, he's poe.
so maybe it would be better if i just backed away now.
which is something i'm saying despite knowing full well i wont because until that day comes i'm still gonna be hoping there's a slim possibility he loves me somehow despite it all.
also,
i fucking love you?
i seriously fucking love you.
i hope you know that.
you probably do.
i'm not usually very shy about saying it.
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even if he loves you a little, enough to keep you on the hook, he doesn't love you the way you want, odin. the other guy doesn't really matter.
i'm sorry. i hate saying this stuff. but i do love you.
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i love you too. thanks.
i'm still coming to fauxhalla when i get back? i'm living there for like the rest of the month. i've already decided.
because poe's my next door neighbour and he's always around. so.
i'm gonna bring peter too.
i love peter.
i also love alex.
also nacho.
magnus i love your whole little family.
magnus i love fauxhalla.
magnus i'm going to marry your entire fauxhalla family yourself included.
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you can stay as long as you want.
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i'll stay until you're sick of me.
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and it definitely doesn't mean i don't want you around.
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[ painful? painful??? painful??????????????????????? ]
okay. thanks
i'm glad that you like me around you because i also like when i'm around you
bed time
see you soon
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