What's up, you piece of shit?! I've spent this past week doing some vigorous research, and here it is! All the way from space! Fifty-five more facts about sex you can't believe you didn't know. Ah, tres fantastico! That's a language, probably. I'm not doing his bullshit rainbows.
1. Odin Dark's penis is a respectable three inches! Nice!
2. That's when erect, of course. Flaccid? Yikes, it was hard to get an accurate reading. He's a grower, not a shower, this boy.
3. We weren't sure how to measure circumference, but he can fit his thumb and ring finger around the base pretty loosely!
4. When asked about his most sensitive erogenous zone, he whispered "behind the knee" and began to stroke that tender, supple flesh.
5. He also likes getting his toes licked. He's flexible enough to do it himself. I'm not here to kinkshame. Not here to yuck any yums. But it was an uncomfortable demonstration to watch.
6. His favourite position is the rusty trombone. Better not look that up when you're in public!
7. His favourite part of a man is the asscheeks.
8. If he got to sleep with any celebrity, alive or dead, it would be Poe whatshisface. Whoever that is.
9. When asked to give advice to any inspiring lover, he very aggressively screamed "don't neglect the balls" and whipped them out to prove his point.
10. They are uninspiring.
11. He lost his virginity in (not on) a dumpster behind a place called Hamburger Mary's to a man named Stellan.
12. He would prefer to be tied down than to be doing the tying, but he would prefer not to be blindfolded if he were about to be executed by firing squad.
13. If the Alpha/Beta/Omega dynamic seen in wolf packs were to be applied to human society, he would want to be MoonMoon.
14. If he were interested in women, he would still like to be labeled amongst the community as a "twink versatile-bottom".
15. He prefers "come" as a verb and the other spelling as a noun. Weird!
16. When provided a list of sexy uniforms to order from most to least arousing, his preferences were as follows: Poe in Sports Mascot, Poe in Anime Girl Cosplay, Poe Robot, Poe the Environmental Scientist, Poe the Video Game Enthusiast, Poe the Weightlifter, Poe Twain, Poe the Cheerleader, Poe the Teacher, Poe the Nurse.
17. Thinks pirates are hotter than vampires. HAHA, WHATEVER.
18. He jerks it a solid eighteen times a day.
19. The list of imports he has had intimate dreams about is too long to fit into one message. Yes, Magnus. Your name repeats most frequently. Alex too. As a bear, and only as a bear.
20. His nipples engorge during lovemaking, but definitely in the way you might expect.
21. When propositioning a man, he'll ask her, "how would you like it if I oscillated your unmentionables?". When that goes south, he tries again with a quick "To be clear, I'd like to launch my meat rocket into your sausage wallet".
22. ^ Zero success rate.
23. Naked down there.
24. I mean all over down there. Not just where you'd think.
25. If he were in a room with you, me and his boyfriend and he had to bang two of us, he'd bang you twice.
26. Got kicked out of a brothel at 33522 for not being attractive enough. Haha.
27. He's on a hair trigger. A hair trigger, my dude. Someone touches him and it's over. It's all over. He's done.
28. SWEATS FROM HIS ASS, ENJOYS IT. HAHAHA
29. Has spent over $6,600 USD on figma over the years. The specifics are for your imagination and your imagination alone.
30. His favourite flavor of lubrication is sour milk. Hey? Wow? No? No? Nah? Yikes? Yikes?
31. His favourite song to make love to is Ylvis's "The Fox". Honestly it probably is.
32. Cries after sex, but only out of gratitude.
33. If he could only watch one type of X-rated movie for the rest of his life, it would be those freaks in anime masks petting each other.
34. He shares an experience with a character in that American Pie movie. Didn't say what. Probably what you'd expect.
35. The noise he makes when he finishes is most akin to a dolphin begging for death.
36. The noise he makes when he starts is most akin to an ostrich burying its head in the sand.
37. The noise he makes when he's mid-way is most akin to that goat that screams that everyone turned into that Taylor Swift lady.
38. Incredibly sexually attracted to people who wear the skin of something else. Alligator skin coat, chinchilla fur jacket, things like that. Animal print patterns? Just any kind of animal skin or animal skin adjacent material, honestly.
39. His other favourite part of the man is the tongue.
40. His safeword is "salty onions".
41. Likes to get bitten. on his butt, hehe
42. and his dingdong hehe
43. He likes a man in high heels. He says they fill out his ankles and he likes a man who appreciates that.
44. Doesn't wear clean underwear very often. This is... an unfortunate reality.
45. Oh, he said he wants to fuck a dead clown. Any dead clown. He's so attracted to dead clowns. He just kept hitting me and saying "would you dress up as a dead clown for me, Peter?", tears in his eyes at the thought that I might say no. So... I said you would when we're back on earth. We'll see how it goes.
46. Calls you Moistnus when he thinks of you sexually.
47. Calls himself The Male Alligator. I guess that had something to do with the last list he sent you?
48. Has been plucking and collecting his own eyelashes for years. When asked why, he just said, "the goats had the right idea".
49. Can't finish without someone telling him he's a worthwhile human being, hahaha.
50. Wait, that is mean. What the fuck Odin?
51. Has a sketchbook filled with designs for a "sexatorium" he wants in his house. It is... boy. It is explicit.
52. Toooooootally gets off to the fanfiction natives write about him. H-haha, who would... do that...
53. Has that game on his computer where you can make people and simulate them having their own lives and stuff. He has a save file that's just himself and a bunch of girls he likes. So weird.
54. Other part of a woman he likes: the, uh, the um, the, front, part
55. Totally did it on a flying carpet with a guy
56. Surprise, motherfucker! Secret bonus fact! Odin Dark once jerked off in Magnus Chase's tent and promised me not to tell anyone! THE ONLY REAL FACT ON THIS LIST!
IF YOU'D LIKE TO CANCEL YOUR SUBSCRIPTION TO AMERICA SEX FACTS TODAY, TEXT #PETERSNOLONGERYOURFRIEND TO Odin Dark!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i have an immortal lifespan? which means you'll eventually lose bc you missed a week, bc you became a dusty old pile of bones, like a pirate skeleton in a theme restaurant.
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1. Odin Dark's penis is a respectable three inches! Nice!
2. That's when erect, of course. Flaccid? Yikes, it was hard to get an accurate reading. He's a grower, not a shower, this boy.
3. We weren't sure how to measure circumference, but he can fit his thumb and ring finger around the base pretty loosely!
4. When asked about his most sensitive erogenous zone, he whispered "behind the knee" and began to stroke that tender, supple flesh.
5. He also likes getting his toes licked. He's flexible enough to do it himself. I'm not here to kinkshame. Not here to yuck any yums. But it was an uncomfortable demonstration to watch.
6. His favourite position is the rusty trombone. Better not look that up when you're in public!
7. His favourite part of a man is the asscheeks.
8. If he got to sleep with any celebrity, alive or dead, it would be Poe whatshisface. Whoever that is.
9. When asked to give advice to any inspiring lover, he very aggressively screamed "don't neglect the balls" and whipped them out to prove his point.
10. They are uninspiring.
11. He lost his virginity in (not on) a dumpster behind a place called Hamburger Mary's to a man named Stellan.
12. He would prefer to be tied down than to be doing the tying, but he would prefer not to be blindfolded if he were about to be executed by firing squad.
13. If the Alpha/Beta/Omega dynamic seen in wolf packs were to be applied to human society, he would want to be MoonMoon.
14. If he were interested in women, he would still like to be labeled amongst the community as a "twink versatile-bottom".
15. He prefers "come" as a verb and the other spelling as a noun. Weird!
16. When provided a list of sexy uniforms to order from most to least arousing, his preferences were as follows: Poe in Sports Mascot, Poe in Anime Girl Cosplay, Poe Robot, Poe the Environmental Scientist, Poe the Video Game Enthusiast, Poe the Weightlifter, Poe Twain, Poe the Cheerleader, Poe the Teacher, Poe the Nurse.
17. Thinks pirates are hotter than vampires. HAHA, WHATEVER.
18. He jerks it a solid eighteen times a day.
19. The list of imports he has had intimate dreams about is too long to fit into one message. Yes, Magnus. Your name repeats most frequently. Alex too. As a bear, and only as a bear.
20. His nipples engorge during lovemaking, but definitely in the way you might expect.
21. When propositioning a man, he'll ask her, "how would you like it if I oscillated your unmentionables?". When that goes south, he tries again with a quick "To be clear, I'd like to launch my meat rocket into your sausage wallet".
22. ^ Zero success rate.
23. Naked down there.
24. I mean all over down there. Not just where you'd think.
25. If he were in a room with you, me and his boyfriend and he had to bang two of us, he'd bang you twice.
26. Got kicked out of a brothel at 33522 for not being attractive enough. Haha.
27. He's on a hair trigger. A hair trigger, my dude. Someone touches him and it's over. It's all over. He's done.
28. SWEATS FROM HIS ASS, ENJOYS IT. HAHAHA
29. Has spent over $6,600 USD on figma over the years. The specifics are for your imagination and your imagination alone.
30. His favourite flavor of lubrication is sour milk. Hey? Wow? No? No? Nah? Yikes? Yikes?
31. His favourite song to make love to is Ylvis's "The Fox". Honestly it probably is.
32. Cries after sex, but only out of gratitude.
33. If he could only watch one type of X-rated movie for the rest of his life, it would be those freaks in anime masks petting each other.
34. He shares an experience with a character in that American Pie movie. Didn't say what. Probably what you'd expect.
35. The noise he makes when he finishes is most akin to a dolphin begging for death.
36. The noise he makes when he starts is most akin to an ostrich burying its head in the sand.
37. The noise he makes when he's mid-way is most akin to that goat that screams that everyone turned into that Taylor Swift lady.
38. Incredibly sexually attracted to people who wear the skin of something else. Alligator skin coat, chinchilla fur jacket, things like that. Animal print patterns? Just any kind of animal skin or animal skin adjacent material, honestly.
39. His other favourite part of the man is the tongue.
40. His safeword is "salty onions".
41. Likes to get bitten. on his butt, hehe
42. and his dingdong hehe
43. He likes a man in high heels. He says they fill out his ankles and he likes a man who appreciates that.
44. Doesn't wear clean underwear very often. This is... an unfortunate reality.
45. Oh, he said he wants to fuck a dead clown. Any dead clown. He's so attracted to dead clowns. He just kept hitting me and saying "would you dress up as a dead clown for me, Peter?", tears in his eyes at the thought that I might say no. So... I said you would when we're back on earth. We'll see how it goes.
46. Calls you Moistnus when he thinks of you sexually.
47. Calls himself The Male Alligator. I guess that had something to do with the last list he sent you?
48. Has been plucking and collecting his own eyelashes for years. When asked why, he just said, "the goats had the right idea".
49. Can't finish without someone telling him he's a worthwhile human being, hahaha.
50. Wait, that is mean. What the fuck Odin?
51. Has a sketchbook filled with designs for a "sexatorium" he wants in his house. It is... boy. It is explicit.
52. Toooooootally gets off to the fanfiction natives write about him. H-haha, who would... do that...
53. Has that game on his computer where you can make people and simulate them having their own lives and stuff. He has a save file that's just himself and a bunch of girls he likes. So weird.
54. Other part of a woman he likes: the, uh, the um, the, front, part
55. Totally did it on a flying carpet with a guy
56. Surprise, motherfucker! Secret bonus fact! Odin Dark once jerked off in Magnus Chase's tent and promised me not to tell anyone! THE ONLY REAL FACT ON THIS LIST!
IF YOU'D LIKE TO CANCEL YOUR SUBSCRIPTION TO AMERICA SEX FACTS TODAY, TEXT #PETERSNOLONGERYOURFRIEND TO Odin Dark!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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also like
is this where we can just
let this die
no winner
no loser
just death to sex facts
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not what any of us want to learn
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DISREGARD THAT AND TOUCH MY ASS! I'M PETER MAXIMOFF
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My name is Odin Dark and I'm about to die.
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i just gotta wait it out.
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you want more of THIS? what is wrong with you
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