fehus: ✺ fehus. (how to love yourself.)
magnus chase(d a lot, frankly) ([personal profile] fehus) wrote2020-08-07 03:50 pm

IC INBOX ✺ MASKORMENACE



❝...............Is it -- ❞
DIALTONE.
quickfingers: (☈ stylin')

11/12

[personal profile] quickfingers 2017-11-13 04:00 am (UTC)(link)
GUESS WAHT TIME IT IS MagNUS CHase you little fucker. it's time for your MONDAY SEX FACTS and you ABUSED YOUR ABILITY tO SUBSCRIBE LAST WEEK so here we are. we're ready. we're prepared. look at all these facts. You are subscribed to gain 1 new amazing sex fact every Monday, from now until 3030. This is a non-negotiable steal of a deal that you missed every opportunity to negate and now must sit back and enjoy! Text 'porous' to 696969 to receive (2) TWO facts every Monday and upgrade your subscription today!

1. After a careful process of waiting and courting, male porcupines spray the female with urine to get her in the mood. Take that Barry White.

2. The average male orgasm lasts six seconds; the average female orgasm lasts twenty seconds. No comment?

3. The left testicle usually hangs lower than the right for right-handed men. The opposite is true for lefties. Check for yourself.

4. Humans are not the only ones interested in performing oral sex, wolves, bears and bats are also known to participate in the practice quite often.

5. While many know that chocolate can be an excellent arousal for having sex, apparently the smell of pumpkin can help increase the blood flow to the penis to encourage an erection.

6. When it comes to the largest penis in the animal kingdom, whales take the top spot with penises that reach up to 10 feet in length.

7. If pandas are reluctant to mate in captivity, scientists have shown them videos of other pandas copulating to get them in the mood. It is basically panda porn.

8. After fingers and vibrators, candles are the phallic objects used most often by female masturbators. thats uh... lit??

9. Antechinus Males Copulate Themselves to Death. its some little rat dude, apparently he goes hard (hahahahaahaha) and then goes home (to death)

10. If a female ferret does not have sex for a year, she will die.

11. Honey bees’ coitus is essentially sexual suicide. Known as drones, male bees compete for a chance to mate with a virgin queen. His victory, however, is mating with the female until his penis and entrails are ripped from his abdomen and he falls to the ground dead. Brutal??

12. Orgasms can lower a woman's risk of heart disease, stroke, breast cancer, and depression.

13. While most slugs mate on the ground, the leopard slug engages in hours of foreplay with its mate before secreting a strong line of slime on which the lovers dangle while they do the deed. If their sexual organs get stuck, the female will chomp off the male’s penis in a process called “apophallation,” essentially leaving it to live the rest of his days as a female.

14. When a male praying mantis attracts a mate, he does a mating dance by flapping his wings and swaying his abdomen. If successful, the female responds by allowing him to mount her before ripping off his head and finally, devouring the corpse of her still-mating lover. NATurE IS FREAKY MAN

15. When two people kiss, they exchange between 10 million and 1 billion bacteria. i wanna brus h my teeth rn sorry jean

16. For men, sex burns between 100 and 200 calories on average. On the other hand, it only burns approximately 69 calories for women. heh 69

17. Approximately one third of women in their 80s continue to have sex with their husband or boyfriend, so long as they are both in good enough physical health to do so. apparently retirement homes are dens of sin and disease too. THE MORE YOU KNOW [sTAR]

18. Semen is low in calories. Thirty-six calories in a teaspoon, to be exact.

19. The initial spurt of a man’s ejaculation travels at approximately 28 miles per hour, even faster than the 100 meters dash world record, which is currently 22.9 miles per hour.

20. Women are more willing to commit adultery during their ovulation than at any other time throughout their cycle—most notably due to their bodies’ desire to fertilize the ovulated egg.

21. At the point of orgasm, both men and women tend to have a heart rate of approximately 140. This is not excessive, but just enters the common cardiovascular zone.

22. The recipe to the sensitivity of the clitoris is its 8,000 nerve fibers, which is twice as many as contained in the penis. As such, it is this area that most helps a woman reach orgasm.

23. Orgasms can help alleviate the pain of a migraine.

24. The average vagina is three to four inches long but can expand by 200 percent when sexually aroused.

25. In order to know how much testosterone a man has, compare the length of his ring finger to his index finger. The longer the ring finger is in comparison to the index finger, the more testosterone in his body. (You just looked at your finger, I know you did.)

26. Bonobos, dubbed the “make love, not war species” by Dutch-American primatologist Frans de Waal, use sex to strengthen bonds and resolve conflict.

27. The average length of an erect penis is 5.6 inches.

28. In case you were wondering, there is enough sperm in one single man to impregnate every woman on the planet who is fertile. "who is fertile" is some legit creepy phrasing tho like. i'd avoid people who say "are you fertile" like i would people who refer to chicks as "females".

29. Female jumping spiders have high standards when it comes to foreplay. If she isn’t satisfied with the male’s “complicated courtship dance,” she not only dumps him but devours him. SENSING NATURE'S TRENDS HERE...

30. Approximately 60% of men who get aroused have erect nipples. In fact, the nipples are just as sensitive in men as they are in women, which is why so many men get erect nipples. nip nip nip

31. The oldest sex toy ever found was a stone dildo dated to around 26,000 years ago.

32. The first cock rings were made from goat eyelashes. WHAT THE FUCK
GOD
STHERRS A FPHOTNO

MAGNUS LOOK???

33. Masturbation is known to help cure depression as the release of emotions and hormones when orgasm is reached to put your mind at ease, and make you more comfortable with your own body.

34. The earliest account of fellatio dates back to the ancient Egyptian myth of the resurrection of Osiris.

35. Flatworms Fence With Their Sex Organs yea h i copy pasted this from a site but there's this really fucking weird photo to go along with it.

36. the first dildos were made of stone. better than fcking eyelashes??

37. Sex reduces stress. yeah

38. Male Alligators Have Permanent Erections.

39. Ancient practitioners of Taoism to believe that a man should not lose too much of his semen. Due to this, ancient Chinese men were advised to not ejaculate during sex.

40. Mozart, the great composer, did not only write serious pieces like Lacrimosa. He also wrote a masterpiece called: Leck mich im Arsch (lick me in the ass)

41. When you are aroused and prepped for sexual intercourse, you are actually less likely to be grossed out by anything that happens.

42. 18th-century empress of Russia Catherine the Great employed "foot ticklers" to turn her on. idk this is weird. everything is weird. russia why. am i gonna get flagged for texting the word russia to you? hi, government. nothing weird here. im just sending my undead bud a bunch of sex facts. no biggie

43. Sheep Have a High Rate of Homosexuality. By some estimates, almost 10 percent of rams prefer to mate with other rams, rather than available females.

44. Orgasms, along with sneezes, cannot be voluntarily stopped once they have started because they are physiological responses to an event.

45. After copulating with multiple mates, a female chicken can ‘dump’ the unwanted male by ejecting his sperm from her body, go for the hunkier male in the coop and choose the father of her future chicks.

46. Sexy "petting parties" really took off in the 1920s. damn

47. King Edward VII spent a lot of time in a French brothel. I don't know who he is but like you know, you wanted 55 fuckign facts you fucking fuckr

48. By 300AD, Rome had 45 brothels, and they were so popular they had to stay closed until the late afternoon.

49. In ancient Egypt, women inserted crocodile dung into the vagina as spermicidal gel to help block sperm. It worked because of the high acid content of the dung. ?????????????

50. Vibrator was invented for doctors who were getting carpel tunnel from using their fingers to give female patients orgasms in order to treat hysteria. Which btw is really creepy, wtf history

51. You could buy sex guidebooks in 18th-century London.

52. There has been some speculation about the connection between silphium and the traditional heart shape. Silphium was an ancient plant highly sought after by Romans. Huge demand for its oral contraceptive use was reported to have led to its extinction in 3rd or 2nd century BC.

53. Ancient Roman women would use the sweat scraped from gladiators' skin as an aphrodisiac. kinda nast

54. Pubic wig or “merkin” was created in the 1450’s to be used by prostitutes because they had to shave their pubic region to combat pubic lice and to hide signs of syphilis. BET YOU KNEW THIS ALREADY ON ACCOUNT OF YOUR MERKIN FASCINATION

55. The stories about witches riding broomsticks comes from the Europe in the Middle ages when some women consumed hallucinogens by applying them to a broomstick and then delivering the drug via mucous membrane in the vagina.


THERE ARE YOU R FUCKING 55 FACTS. Text STOP to this number to sign up for 5 weekly facts and type SIGN ME UP to discontinue receiving these messages. BUT WE ARE SAD TO INFROM YOU That I am fuckig taking a berak i deserve it

i deserve it. fuck your monday facts you're too into this magnus. too into it? too into it. im DONE
admemoriam: (i'm just a ghost out of his grave)

[personal profile] admemoriam 2017-11-13 04:42 am (UTC)(link)
[He's already texting this to Ronan.]
quickfingers: (☈ stylin')

[personal profile] quickfingers 2017-11-13 04:42 am (UTC)(link)
GUESS WAHT TIME IT IS MagNUS CHase you little fucker. it's time for your MONDAY SEX FACTS and you ABUSED YOUR ABILITY tO SUBSCRIBE LAST WEEK so here we are. we're ready. we're prepared. look at all these facts. You are subscribed to gain 1 new amazing sex fact every Monday, from now until 3030. This is a non-negotiable steal of a deal that you missed every opportunity to negate and now must sit back and enjoy! Text 'porous' to 696969 to receive (2) TWO facts every Monday and upgrade your subscription today!

1. After a careful process of waiting and courting, male porcupines spray the female with urine to get her in the mood. Take that Barry White.

2. The average male orgasm lasts six seconds; the average female orgasm lasts twenty seconds. No comment?

3. The left testicle usually hangs lower than the right for right-handed men. The opposite is true for lefties. Check for yourself.

4. Humans are not the only ones interested in performing oral sex, wolves, bears and bats are also known to participate in the practice quite often.

5. While many know that chocolate can be an excellent arousal for having sex, apparently the smell of pumpkin can help increase the blood flow to the penis to encourage an erection.

6. When it comes to the largest penis in the animal kingdom, whales take the top spot with penises that reach up to 10 feet in length.

7. If pandas are reluctant to mate in captivity, scientists have shown them videos of other pandas copulating to get them in the mood. It is basically panda porn.

8. After fingers and vibrators, candles are the phallic objects used most often by female masturbators. thats uh... lit??

9. Antechinus Males Copulate Themselves to Death. its some little rat dude, apparently he goes hard (hahahahaahaha) and then goes home (to death)

10. If a female ferret does not have sex for a year, she will die.

11. Honey bees’ coitus is essentially sexual suicide. Known as drones, male bees compete for a chance to mate with a virgin queen. His victory, however, is mating with the female until his penis and entrails are ripped from his abdomen and he falls to the ground dead. Brutal??

12. Orgasms can lower a woman's risk of heart disease, stroke, breast cancer, and depression.

13. While most slugs mate on the ground, the leopard slug engages in hours of foreplay with its mate before secreting a strong line of slime on which the lovers dangle while they do the deed. If their sexual organs get stuck, the female will chomp off the male’s penis in a process called “apophallation,” essentially leaving it to live the rest of his days as a female.

14. When a male praying mantis attracts a mate, he does a mating dance by flapping his wings and swaying his abdomen. If successful, the female responds by allowing him to mount her before ripping off his head and finally, devouring the corpse of her still-mating lover. NATurE IS FREAKY MAN

15. When two people kiss, they exchange between 10 million and 1 billion bacteria. i wanna brus h my teeth rn sorry jean

16. For men, sex burns between 100 and 200 calories on average. On the other hand, it only burns approximately 69 calories for women. heh 69

17. Approximately one third of women in their 80s continue to have sex with their husband or boyfriend, so long as they are both in good enough physical health to do so. apparently retirement homes are dens of sin and disease too. THE MORE YOU KNOW [sTAR]

18. Semen is low in calories. Thirty-six calories in a teaspoon, to be exact.

19. The initial spurt of a man’s ejaculation travels at approximately 28 miles per hour, even faster than the 100 meters dash world record, which is currently 22.9 miles per hour.

20. Women are more willing to commit adultery during their ovulation than at any other time throughout their cycle—most notably due to their bodies’ desire to fertilize the ovulated egg.

21. At the point of orgasm, both men and women tend to have a heart rate of approximately 140. This is not excessive, but just enters the common cardiovascular zone.

22. The recipe to the sensitivity of the clitoris is its 8,000 nerve fibers, which is twice as many as contained in the penis. As such, it is this area that most helps a woman reach orgasm.

23. Orgasms can help alleviate the pain of a migraine.

24. The average vagina is three to four inches long but can expand by 200 percent when sexually aroused.

25. In order to know how much testosterone a man has, compare the length of his ring finger to his index finger. The longer the ring finger is in comparison to the index finger, the more testosterone in his body. (You just looked at your finger, I know you did.)

26. Bonobos, dubbed the “make love, not war species” by Dutch-American primatologist Frans de Waal, use sex to strengthen bonds and resolve conflict.

27. The average length of an erect penis is 5.6 inches.

28. In case you were wondering, there is enough sperm in one single man to impregnate every woman on the planet who is fertile. "who is fertile" is some legit creepy phrasing tho like. i'd avoid people who say "are you fertile" like i would people who refer to chicks as "females".

29. Female jumping spiders have high standards when it comes to foreplay. If she isn’t satisfied with the male’s “complicated courtship dance,” she not only dumps him but devours him. SENSING NATURE'S TRENDS HERE...

30. Approximately 60% of men who get aroused have erect nipples. In fact, the nipples are just as sensitive in men as they are in women, which is why so many men get erect nipples. nip nip nip

31. The oldest sex toy ever found was a stone dildo dated to around 26,000 years ago.

32. The first cock rings were made from goat eyelashes. WHAT THE FUCK
GOD
STHERRS A FPHOTNO

MAGNUS LOOK???

33. Masturbation is known to help cure depression as the release of emotions and hormones when orgasm is reached to put your mind at ease, and make you more comfortable with your own body.

34. The earliest account of fellatio dates back to the ancient Egyptian myth of the resurrection of Osiris.

35. Flatworms Fence With Their Sex Organs yea h i copy pasted this from a site but there's this really fucking weird photo to go along with it.

36. the first dildos were made of stone. better than fcking eyelashes??

37. Sex reduces stress. yeah

38. Male Alligators Have Permanent Erections.

39. Ancient practitioners of Taoism to believe that a man should not lose too much of his semen. Due to this, ancient Chinese men were advised to not ejaculate during sex.

40. Mozart, the great composer, did not only write serious pieces like Lacrimosa. He also wrote a masterpiece called: Leck mich im Arsch (lick me in the ass)

41. When you are aroused and prepped for sexual intercourse, you are actually less likely to be grossed out by anything that happens.

42. 18th-century empress of Russia Catherine the Great employed "foot ticklers" to turn her on. idk this is weird. everything is weird. russia why. am i gonna get flagged for texting the word russia to you? hi, government. nothing weird here. im just sending my undead bud a bunch of sex facts. no biggie

43. Sheep Have a High Rate of Homosexuality. By some estimates, almost 10 percent of rams prefer to mate with other rams, rather than available females.

44. Orgasms, along with sneezes, cannot be voluntarily stopped once they have started because they are physiological responses to an event.

45. After copulating with multiple mates, a female chicken can ‘dump’ the unwanted male by ejecting his sperm from her body, go for the hunkier male in the coop and choose the father of her future chicks.

46. Sexy "petting parties" really took off in the 1920s. damn

47. King Edward VII spent a lot of time in a French brothel. I don't know who he is but like you know, you wanted 55 fuckign facts you fucking fuckr

48. By 300AD, Rome had 45 brothels, and they were so popular they had to stay closed until the late afternoon.

49. In ancient Egypt, women inserted crocodile dung into the vagina as spermicidal gel to help block sperm. It worked because of the high acid content of the dung. ?????????????

50. Vibrator was invented for doctors who were getting carpel tunnel from using their fingers to give female patients orgasms in order to treat hysteria. Which btw is really creepy, wtf history

51. You could buy sex guidebooks in 18th-century London.

52. There has been some speculation about the connection between silphium and the traditional heart shape. Silphium was an ancient plant highly sought after by Romans. Huge demand for its oral contraceptive use was reported to have led to its extinction in 3rd or 2nd century BC.

53. Ancient Roman women would use the sweat scraped from gladiators' skin as an aphrodisiac. kinda nast

54. Pubic wig or “merkin” was created in the 1450’s to be used by prostitutes because they had to shave their pubic region to combat pubic lice and to hide signs of syphilis. BET YOU KNEW THIS ALREADY ON ACCOUNT OF YOUR MERKIN FASCINATION

55. The stories about witches riding broomsticks comes from the Europe in the Middle ages when some women consumed hallucinogens by applying them to a broomstick and then delivering the drug via mucous membrane in the vagina.


THERE ARE YOU R FUCKING 55 FACTS. Text STOP to this number to sign up for 5 weekly facts and type SIGN ME UP to discontinue receiving these messages. BUT WE ARE SAD TO INFROM YOU That I am fuckig taking a berak i deserve it

i deserve it. fuck your monday facts you're too into this magnus. too into it? too into it. im DONE
quickfingers: (☈ stylin')

[personal profile] quickfingers 2017-11-13 04:44 am (UTC)(link)
appreciate what uve been given
quickfingers: (☈ stylin')

[personal profile] quickfingers 2017-11-13 04:48 am (UTC)(link)
god I hope they can

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quickfingers: (☈ stylin')

[personal profile] quickfingers 2017-11-13 04:43 am (UTC)(link)
I just jerked off. there's #55 for ya, you ungrateful fuck

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